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When you want to rapidly consume beers and get drunk quickly, there are a couple of ways to go about it. You could tornado your bottle of beer. You could chug it down in one gulp. Or, if those options are too intimidating, you could use a beer bong and funnel the drink. In fact, once you start using the beer bong like a pro, you will be funneling 2-3 beers in a matter of seconds.
Does funneling beer like a champ sound like something you need to know? Then keep reading.
What is a Beer Bong?
A beer bong is a device that is made of a funnel connected to a long tube that helps people chug beer much faster. When someone uses a beer bong, they might refer to it as “funneling.”
To use a beer bong, you pour beers into the funnel and let the beer run down the funnel into the user’s throat. Some beer bongs come with valves that let you change the flow rate of the drink or disengage the flow completely.
The History of The Beer Bong
There is a surprising, if not darkly fascinating, history behind funneling beer. While modern beer bong culture is centered around wild college parties and fraternities, there is much more to beer meeting gravity than meets the eye. Or, well, throat. But when you start to dig deep in an attempt to find out who invented the beer bong, things get a little murky.
When it comes to games that involve beer, record-keeping is the last thing on people’s minds. In other words, whatever history is known about the inventor of the beer bong or how funneling beer began is based on hearsay. What sections of the history are false is hard to say.
So let’s begin with the history that is most likely equal parts myth and truth. In the late 1800s, a man named Jack Henry had failed miserably at creating medical instruments for women. He worked largely to relieve female hysteria, which, if you know anything about the 19th century diagnosis of hysteria, was really just sexual frustration.
Anyway, Henry thought it was a good idea to make a rapid delivery system for horse tranquilizer for those ladies suffering from hysteria. He used a bicycle tiring as tubing and some old bean cans for a funnel, creating the world’s first beer bong. Of course, this is wild speculation.
That said, there is evidence of apparatuses similar to beer bongs being used throughout the Medieval ages. Medieval binge drinking was a thing, especially since beer was about the only good thing going for those people back then.
It’s a Frat Thing
But despite there being evidence of devices that look like beer bongs throughout history, there is no telling whether these things were used for beer or something else. It’s quite possible that some frat boy in STEM found a picture of a Medieval physician attempting to force a sick person to guzzle water through a funnel. Maybe he thought it was a great way to get drunk and revised it for frat use.
Some sources indicate that beer funnels regained their popularity during the 1970s in New Zealand. Beer bongs were everywhere by the 1990s, and they haven’t gone out of style since then.
We will never really know the truth. At least you now have fun factoids to share with your drinking buddies.
How to Funnel Beer Like a Pro
Funneling beer isn’t as hard as it looks—and it looks easy compared to other chugging techniques. There are a few simple steps to getting you funneling beer like you were born for it:
- Grab a beer bong. You could have someone hold the funnel for you or do this whole thing yourself. If you’re doing it by yourself, put your hand on the end of the tube and close the valve. Keep in mind that valves aren’t always recommended. When the flow of beer is hindered, you start to get foam, which makes chugging beer an absolute chore.
- Fill the bong with beer by gently pouring the beer down the wall of the funnel. It’s kind of like when you pour a draft. Doing this eliminates a lot of the foam.
- Start to fill the tube gradually by lifting your hand away from the tube to create a vent. If the funnel comes with a valve, this might not be necessary.
- Make sure there are no air pockets forming along the tube as it fills. Any air in the tube is going to be swallowed, and that will add to fullness in your stomach. Air and beer don’t mix well; that air is going to want to eject itself, violently.
- Once you have loaded up the bong, all that is left is the fun part—chugging. Grab the hose, put it in your mouth, and let the beer flow down. The funnel should be held above you, which is why friends are recommended.
Chugging From a Bong
Okay, so maybe it’s not as simple as putting the tube in your mouth and letting it rip. If you don’t know the mechanics of chugging beer, you might end up drowning yourself or a friend.
The first thing to keep in mind is that your throat has to stay relaxed and open. Don’t try to take a swallow every few seconds.
Here is the action of taking beer from a bong broken down:
- Hold the funnel up above your head (again, have a friend help).
- Bring your mouth close to the tube. Inhale and exhale deeply. Close your mouth around the tube.
- Get lower than the funnel, usually by going to the knees.
- The beer is going to flow down the tube because of gravity, so let gravity do its job. Focus on keeping your throat open. The beer will be in your stomach within seconds.
- Do not try to breathe while funneling beer.
You might feel a burning sensation in the chest and stomach. It’s normal. Belch to remove the gas from your stomach. You’ll feel better after that.
Need a visual? This video explains how to funnel a beer with ease:
To Build or Buy: Getting The Best Beer Bong
Now that you know the basics behind using a beer bong, you might even want to give it a try. Procuring a beer bong online is easy enough, but if you’re someone who likes DIY projects, making a beer bong doesn’t require much effort. You might even have most of the items around the household already.
Here is a video with easy-to-follow instructions:
You will need a few tools and hardware to piece everything together, but it shouldn’t take you any longer than 30 minutes to make.
Want something a bit more goofy to make people laugh while they try to chug? Check out this tutorial for the “Flabongo,” a Garden Flamingo Beer Bong:
Constructing a Beer Bong
If you don’t feel like watching the video, here are the steps:
- First gather your items. You will need a funnel, plastic tubing, connectors, hose clamps, and a valve. Be sure to wash and sanitize these items. This is important, because these items are going to be near (or in) your mouth.
- Next, put the funnel inside the tubing. The tube should have a 1-inch or 2.5 cm diameter. The longer the tubing, the more beers you will be able to fit inside the bong. A traditional 3-foot long tube can hold a single serving of beer, while 9 feet of tubing can hold 3 beers. Cut off a 4-inch long segment of tubing and save it for later.
- Use a hose clamp to secure the tubing to the funnel. Once in place where the funnel and tube connect, secure the clamp in place with a flathead screwdriver.
- Now the valve. Your connectors should have a 3/4-inch or 1.9 cm diameter. Thread them into both ends of your ball valve.
- Take your second hose clamp and put it on the end of the tube, opposite the funnel.
- Fix the connectors and ball valve to the open end of the funnel. The tube should be snug on the one connector. Just force the connector in instead of screwing it.
- Tighten the hose clamp.
- On the free connector, put another segment of tubing—about 4 inches (10 cm) in length. This mouthpiece will be removable, so you can wash it between uses.
Buying a Beer Bong or Funnel
Whether you want to build or buy a beer bong, you’re going to want only the best materials for your beer-drinking fun. To save you from hours of scouring the marketplace for high quality beer bongs and funnels, we did most of the work. The only thing you need to do is decide which item is best for you!
Here are our top picks for beer bongs or funnels:
This is one of the beer bongs you will frequently spot on college campuses. For a small investment, you can get a kink-free tube that stays clear for years. The materials that make up the funnel, valve, and tubing are very resilient. The 3-foot tube holds more beer than you’d assume, so you get more beer, faster. Plus, the valve is designed to be leak-free.
As a nifty bonus, the funnel comes with a shotgunning tool. So while you’re funneling beer like a pro, your friends can stab their beer cans and shotgun alongside you.
With a name like Chug Buddy, it has to be good, right? While the Chug Buddy is the most expensive beer bong on the list, it’s probably your most pandemic-friendly option. Why? Because it comes with interchangeable mouthpieces! Now, when you’re passing around the beer bong, all your friends have to do is pop in their mouthpiece, funnel their beer, and then remove their piece before passing it on.
Also, the entire set is made of BPA-free plastics that are built to withstand even the heaviest drinking. Please don’t put this beer bong to the test, though. Drink responsibly.
As if college parties weren’t debauched enough, you can now make funneling beer with your bestie right next to you. The 2-foot long tubes are designed to be kink-free, and both have a nifty valve and mouthpiece. The only downside is that the funnel and tubing is a bit narrow, so you won’t be able to funnel massive amounts of beer quickly. That said, this is a fun way to get a party started and make friends while you’re doing it.
Maybe you want to make your own beer bong. For that, you’re going to need a funnel made with durable, food-safe materials. While you might not need four differently sized funnels, these are some of the best on the market. You can also play around with different sized tubes and funnels to find a beer bong design that works best for you. Or, you know, you could use your funnels for other things, like baking or changing the oil in your car or home-brewing beer.
Time to Bong That Beer
Are you ready to begin funneling beer from a beer bong? With all the tips and info above, you should be! Funneling beer is easy, once you get the setup down. Just remember to get as little foam in the bong as possible. Keep your throat relaxed, and just go with the flow—literally. After that, all you need is some practice to start funneling more than one beer at a time.
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